Hate the UK? Pack your bags for Rishi Sunak’s brainwashing camp

Welcome to Britain, nation of bad vibes. Here on our joyless little island you can look forward to bland food, shit weather, and abysmal public transport. And if Rishi Sunak becomes Prime Minister next month, you can expect to be treated as an ideological extremist for daring to criticise this hellhole!

On Tuesday Sunak announced that, if elected as Tory leader, he will widen the definition of ‘extremism’ to include those who have an “extreme hatred of Britain” (guilty as charged x) and refer them to the government’s deradicalisation programme, Prevent.

Extremism is currently defined in the 2011 Prevent strategy as “vocal or active opposition to fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule of law, individual liberty and mutual respect and tolerance of different faiths and beliefs,” and also covers anyone who “calls for the death of members of our armed forces, whether in this country or overseas.”

Prevent is already Islamophobic – in February this year the People’s Review of Prevent concluded that the programme is “discriminatory in its impact on Muslim communities” and potentially “breaches children’s rights and human rights” – so this proposal to widen its remit is a disturbing development which will doubtless impact marginalised communities the most.

“There is no more important duty for a prime minister than keeping our country and our people safe. Whether redoubling our efforts to tackle Islamist extremism or rooting out those who are vocal in their hatred of our country, I will do whatever it takes to fulfil that duty,” Sunak said. “Britain is a beacon of freedom, tolerance and diversity. We must never let those who seek to undermine and destroy our way of life to succeed.”

Obviously, the plan has already been received pretty poorly. Who’s to decide what constitutes “extreme” hatred of Britain? Will MI5 come knocking if I eat an item of food that isn’t beige and flavourless? And where does this end – are we going to have to participate in a ‘Two Minutes Hate’ à la 1984 where we all scream at a photo of Jeremy Corbyn every morning? Will I be sentenced to five years behind bars for not wearing a poppy? Ten for saying colonialism was bad, actually?

See you all in jail x