Panic! At the Willy Wonka Immersive Experience

Not content with destroying journalism, visual arts and democracy, artificial intelligence has claimed yet another victim: the innocence of Glasgow’s children.

Parents in Scotland have been left furious, and their kids in floods of tears, after a “Willy Wonka immersive experience” was revealed to be nothing more than a tiny bouncy castle, a few backdrops pinned to the walls and a handful of props scattered around an abandoned warehouse in an industrial estate. 

Continuing a proud British tradition of terrible, rip-off tourist attractions, the news has brought joy to millions, but the people who paid £35 a ticket were a lot less amused, describing the situation as a “farce”. Even some of the workers involved have expressed their guilt. As Paul Connell, who was booked to perform at the event, told ITV News that his “heart sank” as soon as he arrived and saw the set-up: “I just felt sad because I was aware of how many kids were going to be coming through.” 

As it turns out, he was right to be concerned. The event received so many complaints (someone even called the police) that it was cancelled within hours of opening, but they neglected to inform people who had booked slots later in the day – while everyone has now been given a full refund, some disgruntled families are demanding compensation for their travel costs too, having travelled across the country to visit the experience.

Without wanting to victim-blame here, there are two lessons to be drawn from this: 1. Never go to anything described as an “immersive experience” and 2. Never attended an event advertised exclusively with AI images.

That’s not to say the adverts themselves – which promised a psychedelic dreamworld of enchanted gardens and twilight tunnels – weren’t appealing. What more could you want from a family day out than – as one image on the official website promised – “catgacating” “exarsedray lollipops” and “a pasadise of sweet teats”? Who doesn’t love rocking out to some “cartchy turns”?

Unfortunately, it is now no longer possible to purchase a ticket, depriving the Willy Wonka Experience of a second life as an ironic attraction.