Are you a worm looking to get on the property ladder? This book is for you

If you’ve recently scanned the pages of Rightmove desperately searching for a reasonably priced room sans dodgy brown carpets, or shuffled around a group house viewing that you’ll never be able to go beyond the asking price for at 9AM on a Saturday, it’s likely you’ll have felt the sensation of your soul violently leaving your body. Welcome to the housing market in 2024, baby – a burning hell hole of sky-high rents, failed attempts to get on the property ladder, and sheer, unbridled misery.

If you don’t laugh, you’d cry though, which is the angle from which a new book by PZ Opassuksatit comes in. If you’re thinking you recognise the name, then you might have spotted previous releases by the subversive Paris based artist. In 2018, she dropped fucked-up Argos catalogue come Amazon wishlist PZ World Amazon, before returning in 2019 with PZ World Weddings – a bridal mag ‘dragged up from the depths of hell’. Now, Opassuksatit is back with PZ World Properties, which is just as brilliantly weird as its predecessors.

“Throw all Architectural Digests and Elle Decorations away!,” the artist says of Properties. “This book is the end game for housing, whether you’re a seller, a buyer, or a realtor (or hoping to become one). It’s all you need to know about selling, moving, buying, constructing, and demolition.” Inside its pages are tips from estate agents on sealing deals (“Keep your champagne close, but your property deeds closer”), definitely-real realtor classifieds, a guide to dressing for success featuring Bryn and Patric of Vaquera, and house listings for a ‘pizza condo’ and a gorgeous abode made of matches that definitely won’t go up in smoke. 

For all the worms out there (“Would you still love me etc”), there’s a guide to the underground housing market and amenities like the local worm discotheque, a detailed guide to moving without the stress, a number for a dinosaur demolition service, artwork by Harry Freegard, and perhaps most important of all: an infomercial remind us that if we want to get on the property ladder, we need to stop treating ourselves to avocado toast every damn time we feel like it. From page to page, it’s a genuinely laugh-out-loud book – so much so, that for a joyous millisecond, I forgot my own rent was going up again next month for no apparent reason.

As PZ World: Properties lands on the shelves of the world’s coolest book stores, including Climax and IDEA, we caught up with Opassuksatit to ask some pertinent property-related questions.

Hey PZ! So, first of all: how did the idea for this book come about? 

PZ Opassuksatit: After being in Paris for ten years, and being in the same apartment for eight years! Can you imagine?! I DEMAND A CHANGE! But it’s not as easy as we think…Where to go? How to find a perfect apartment? Should I buy a house? (Looking at the account) Oh shit, I have no money yet… So how to make a good investment? How to move? Packing? Building? Renovating? Pest control? Painting walls? Selling? 

There’s no book talking about all this property knowledge, or at least not to my taste, so that’s the reason we needed to make one. This book is the end game for housing! No matter what you are: human, animal, filthy rich or jobless poor, this book aims to offer you all the best property to fit in with anyone’s needs. Even peeping inside of it will be a life changer.

What was the funniest moment from when you were making it?

PZ Opassuksatit: Every time I realise what on earth we are doing? There’s lots of moments and days like this: from planning and building up the objects that goes into the book, like the brick phone case, the gaffer tape scarf, the sugar daddy house, to dressing as a dinosaur to demolish the house down and being worm tenants for Rory Mullen’s properties for worm!? The ists goes on… I mean it might sound ridiculous (but secretly genius for us) and we (with our 40+ collaborators) took it seriously. And that’s the FUN of it.

Everyone has a memory of being shown the worst apartment they've ever seen by an estate agent. What was yours? 

PZ Opassuksatit: Home4FSB agents once showed me an absolute disaster house and I’m LOVIN’ it! It was so compact I screamed ‘Wow that’s tight!´ The realtor Christina Slaughter from Home4FSB is an absolute sweet dream, she helped me find the right way home and took me out of my comfort zone. For real. 

What would your dream house look like? 

PZ Opassuksatit: My dreamz house would be a house drawn by many children (But executed by a pro, of course). 

What's your favourite home makeover show or moment from one?

PZ Opassuksatit: When I was little back in the 90s there was this Thai translated Japanese TV channel and my all time favourite show is called TV Champion. It’s a variety competition show with various talents and an array of tasks in order to crown one. There’s a specific episode about ‘renovating the tiniest apartment in Japan’ which stuck in my mind forever. That’s my OG fave makeover show. 

Lately I also rewatched Home Of Their Own and How Clean Is Your House? These two fabulous women hosts go to a hoarder’s house and help them clean. Fascinating right?! The best part of home renovation shows is always the before and after: seeing each homeowner’s reaction is such a joy! I love the absurdity of it.

Did you ever see the Changing Rooms smashed teapot shelf moment?

PZ Opassuksatit: Yes!!!!! The only thing I can say about that is “You better use gaffer tape next time Linda!”

Who are your three dream housemates, living or dead? 

PZ Opassuksatit: Marie Kondo for cleanliness, Peter Griffin for fun, and Ja'mie from Private School Girl for drama.

PZ World Properties is available here.